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just a short one today, speaking to the drawers, doodlers, crafters and artists out there.

how often do you OVER-collect resources? pictures, videos, books, materials... before you even start the work, you seem to have about a 100 things collected in little packets and folders and piles all over your workspace and home, and you end up using maybe two or three items of each. what's up with that? and then when the project or idea is over, you can't let go of the stuff. you think "next time!" or that you spent so much time and money getting them that you can't pass them on to other people working the same sort of strain of idea, or you're just damn possessive.

last weekend i finally got down to cleaning up my pc and mac. shew, what a difference! freed up 12 gigs on my pc, and 60 gigs on my mac. what a difference! but then i looked over at this HUGE packet i have of torn out pictures for my reference collage file, and i just go "eep..." where do i start on that???

let me know your stories of hoarding and waiting. we can make a little competition out of who's the worst ;)

chow for now

push

right, now i'm getting REALLY pissed off at the way things are being decided with me in the vicinty, and with a smile on their faces, with them thinking that i'll willingly do what they ask because i'm a nice person.

NOT!!!

i've had it with teak and klava (pseudonyms for my lecturers). honestly... they are scatterbrained and sweet, but i've been pushed around for the last 3 years because i don't stand up for myself, and now i'm REALLY going to put my foot down (through the glass of their enlightened castle). yes, i'm the student and they're the lecturers, but my dad is the one paying their salaries, and he's not one to mess with. AT ALL!!!

what am i moaning about, you ask? the usual: computer shortage, fighting for privacy... i want privacy when i work! just because i work on a pc doesn't mean that work's private: i want a nice little cave where i can express myself, TO MYSELF, without having to worry my incredibly small ego that i'm crossing my legs in a childish way, or that i'm chewing with my mouth open, or taking a nap. is that SO hard to ask? you can't get screens and pcs? well, then buy sheets and washing lines and i'll set up my own space. better yet. why don't i buy a tent? then i can really relax and work at the same time.

grrr!

chow for now

dreams

have you ever noticed how seriously WARPED dreams are? and i'm not talking about just the regular dreaming: i'm talking about the ones that are influenced by booze, extracurricular drugs, prescription drugs, herbal remedies, foods and other things you do physically to your body.

i'm not too sure i like my own subconscious sometimes. you know, it's all fine and dandy having those ones that are kinda like children's' books: simple, to the point and fun. but nightmares of poltergeist activity in your own bed that still haunts you hours after the dream? not fun. in my life experience, i have unfortunately managed to attract these bad vibes spirits, and they've never been fun. had them threaten me regularly in my own home where my parents lived for 2 years before they conceived me there, and what-not. i don't enjoy it. and i especially don't enjoy it when the bloody things come into my dreams (and yes, i even mean the cum, because my terror is their orgasm). it shapes the entire day, and today, all i've wanted to do is cry, AND not even from that dream, there was another.

i have to wonder, what kind of sick person am i that can end up with these dreams? okay, a chase scene i understand, that makes sense, but then zombies? intelligent zombies that are stuck in a semi-rotted state, like a victim of a car crash or bear mauling, and are not in actual fact zombies because their bodies are still living in that semi-rotted state? and then intelligent zombies that can talk and organize like regular twisted human beings with a vendetta for taking over the world and farming the non-zombies (i'm not talking resident evil or dawn of the dead clever, i'm talking full-on borg mentality WITH individualism)? okay, and then here's the kicker that should actually put me in a nuthouse, or asylum, or anti-psychotics: lesbian zombie porn. WHAT THE FUCK?????

i'm really disturbed by this. i mean, what does it say about me? am i sick, over-imaginative? do i have really bad taste in foods, that the kind i choose shit out this kind of psychic crap?

why am i telling you this?

i guess it's because this blog will be a... digital, realtime installation. you're the ones seeing it and deciding on it, and i'm the one showing and listening and responding to it. yes, i also want to get this off my chest, and maybe perhaps have you guys say 'omg, i'm that twisted too! let me tell you about it...' yip, that's what i want. also 'cause i promised an update on tuesday and i have yet to put my mission statement to paper about the purpose of this blog.

ja. chow mense

what??

might i ask whoever why the majority of the time clicking on "next blog" gets me christian sites/people??

NEW LOOK!

hey all.

as you can see, things have changed around here. i was *really* bored with the same template, and then i discovered the editing options. you're all probably going "no, duh!", but i've never been an active controller of my surroundings (why do i sense hound ears popping up at a curious noise?).

hope you like! i certainly do, *snicker*.

so what's been happening that i can freeload on you?
i can't say "not much", as this week seems to be the twister of sucking everything in that this department was sorely lacking on. suddenly, we have seminars, meetings, projects, enlistings to participate more in CVA activities, mentoring, competitions, crits... yikes, i say. no wonder i'm like a dead corpse today.

i'm cynically contemptuous of this change. mainly, i reason, because they never seemed to have this vooma in my undergraduate years, and now i'm *not* benefiting from this (or i am, but in a belated, "you're old news" way). i'm not too excited by the manner in which it was presented to us, it felt like a rifle execution, 'cept with forms & responsibilities instead of bullets. but, there ya go.

sorry about my lack in updating since last week. my family and i went to see rammstein, we only got back on sunday, then CVA meetings and seminars began. poor excuse, this happens to me though, i get strangled in on myself with the things that are officially going on, and then wear myself out.

so, i'm heading off for now, i'm definitely rambling. i'm going to try and find some other blogs on blogspot to link up with. see what happens!

chow

VLOG 2: apology

VLOG 1

sorta the begin

while i'm not too enthusiastic about blogging (face it: i'm human and lazy, and why should i bother when i have a facebook account where the people i WANT to see me, see me?), i thought:

hey. we made the account. it's a pretty neat name. i can really go ballistic because of the name. and what else is blogging, BUT being overly vain, binary masturbating, and just venting?

so here it is.

not much to look at yet, but hopefully that'll change.

to what purpose is this blog gonna be designated? well... i'm thinking that it could be part of my masters work. i don't know how it would be incorporated, but peur etre, it would let me off the hook for doing some work [insert smirk].

so, we're gonna have journal entries, woes of the system, random shit doing with masters, video, art, maybe live dissections, who knows? could be awesome. could also be hugely boring. agh, but so what? who's gonna look at this anyway besides some sympathetic friends and my supervisors?

here's a thought: do i really want to be this honest?

here's an answer: who the fuck cares?

chow ;)